Those Phrases given by A Father That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."